The Freedom in Being Disliked
A lot of the stories I’ve written have an underlying warmth to them. That tone is intentional, since it’s one of the ways I see the world — but it’s not the only one. I’m either cynical or humorous, depending on whether you think I’m humorous. No humor? I’m a cynic. There are many reasons for why someone is the way that they are, but it seems clear that if you keep someone on the margins of society for long enough, eventually they feel comfortable occupying that position, and maybe even start to find joy in it.
One of the misfortunes that often befalls outsiders is the furtive glances people share around them. However, once you get used to those glances, they affords a powerful advantage — the ability to shirk social convention at a moment’s notice. Here’s an example: let’s say I have the opportunity to make a hard hitting (but justified) joke about racism, or caste, or creed, or poverty in a room chalk full of uptight people. I’m reasonably sure that it’ll make the room devolve into a very awkward silence. However, those same people have made it clear to me that I am not one of them from the moment I stepped foot inside their social circle. What possible reason would I have to not just make people uncomfortable at my own whims? What are they going to do, not like me again?
An even better advantage to being disliked is self-actualization. If someone likes you, you’re sometimes afraid to change, even if the change is to act more in accordance with yourself. But if you were to be somehow convinced that nobody liked you-in that bubble, you get to find out exactly who you are.
Social convention provides uses the threat of ostracization to keep people in line — “don’t do this or we won’t like you anymore”; but if you use that threat enough times, the threat ceases to have any effect. A thousand awkward conversations will desensitize you to being disliked by the world. You’ve learnt to make peace with society’s displeasure. You can’t be threatened with that same displeasure again, you’ll laugh. Because your sense of belonging can only be removed once. By kicking someone out of society, you set them free of all social responsibility — now you can only watch with growing resentment as they defy all convention, and know that it was your own doing.
I spend a lot of my time around comedians, and other creatives. Amongst comedians, you can find all manner of miscreant. They’re cynics and nihilists, and they lack a certain regard for civility. But, amongst comedians you can also find a gamut of diverse opinions, because comedians aren’t obstructed by how unpleasant an idea is to think about. They’ll think about it anyway. They’re creatures of chaos, and their job is sometimes to show people another way to think about something that up until now, they only saw one way. If you want a new way to think about something, ask a creative — they find joy in seeing the world that way.
What I’m trying to explain is this - when you rain down your displeasure upon someone that sees the world differently from you, you’re pushing them down a certain path. What lies at the end of that path is freedom of the cage you call convention. In that state, the world will be theirs to offend at their own whims, and they will take great pleasure in watching your discomfort. Be careful whom you decide to set free like that.
